Got a crush on someone? But you don’t really know them? Unsure what to do next?
It’s tough to figure out what to do when you’ve got the hots for someone you don’t really know.
Do you approach them? Or do you wait for them to approach you?
Should you tell them that you’ve noticed them looking at you before? Or should you treat them like a stranger when you talk to them?
These are the kinds of questions we’re going to help you answer in this article.
In this article, we’re going to talk about what everyone needs to know if they have a crush on someone they don’t really know.
1. It’s okay to feel nervous.
What happens when you have a crush on someone you don’t really know?
You get nervous. It happens to everyone.
So if you’re really nervous when you think about them, or when you’re in the presence of them, don’t worry. We’ve all been there before.
But here’s what you need to know:
Nerves shouldn’t stop you from talking to them.
Despite what you may think, they probably won’t even notice that you’re nervous.
And even if you do stumble over your words in front of them, does it really matter?
It definitely doesn’t, and if you want to start dating this person, you need to chat to them eventually.
Don’t think about all the things that could go wrong.
Instead, think about all the good things that could happen if you just tried your best to be yourself when talking with them.
2. Try to come up with a few things to talk about ahead of time.
What is another common thing that happens when you have a crush on someone and you don’t really know them?
You worry that if you talk to them, you won’t have anything to say.
Prepare some topics to talk about beforehand.
For example, you could ask them what their favorite hobbies are, or perhaps what music they’re into.
Or, if you have a mutual friend, talk about them.
You want to find some commonality between the two of you. Once you do, you’ll be able to build rapport which could lead to dating in the future.
A great way of bringing a new topic into a conversation is like this:
“Hey ‘Name’, how are you?
“I’m good thanks, ‘Name’. How are you?”
“I’m good, but I’m also a bit down about the Lakers losing last night!”
“I know, right!”
And a common interest has developed.
What I’m saying is that it helps to weave a new topic into the conversation naturally, rather than just blurting out, “What hobbies are you into?”.
After all, that can sound a little weird and awkward.
So prepare beforehand how you’re going to bring it up in the conversation so it looks like it’s natural. The above example is very basic, but it can be effective.
3. Don’t overthink it.
If you have a crush on someone you don’t really know, then it’s also normal to overthink things and come up with a million reasons why they wouldn’t want to talk to you.
It’s okay if this happens.
But it can be really easy for these thoughts to keep you from doing anything about them at all.
Don’t let these thoughts affect how you approach them.
In fact, when you do have a crush on someone you barely know, it’s probably better to act before thinking about it.
This way, you’ll be able to act on those insane impulses you have because of your attraction for them.
Don’t think about what could go wrong, or how they might reject you.
Just go up and introduce yourself to them, and have one other topic in your mind that you want to bring up after introducing yourself. That’s it. It’s as simple as that!
4. Don’t build them up in your head too much
So now you’ve got a crush on someone you barely know. That’s great. But when that happens, it also means that you might develop a perfect idea of them in your head.
The truth is:
It’s normal to think about them a lot when you have a crush on someone, but when you do, it can sometimes turn into overconfidence or confirmation bias.
In other words, you could start to think that they’re perfect in your head (even if they’re not in real life yet), and this can result in overconfidence about what they’re going to be like.
You’ll be really excited to talk to them because of these unrealistic thoughts you have of them.
But when you get to know them, an unfortunate reality might hit you:
They don’t live up to your perfect expectations.
For example, they might not be as nice or kind as you thought they’d be.
Nobody is perfect, and if you build up this person to be perfect in your mind, then you’ll undoubtedly be disappointed sooner or later.
5. Be considerate of the fact that they probably don’t know you very well yet
If you have a crush on someone you barely know, then you need to remember that they don’t know you, either.
They may have already noticed you when they came to the party, or you might have bumped into them at school or work.
But that’s it.
And because you’re thinking about them so much, you might expect them to already know about you.
The harsh truth?
When you eventually talk to them, they might not know you, or they might pretend that they haven’t seen you before because they don’t want to look like a stalker.
As a result, they probably won’t be totally comfortable with you right away, especially if they haven’t gotten to know you very well yet.
So don’t expect too much initially.
Talk to them as if they’re someone you don’t know very well. Build rapport and get to know them first.
6. Think about how you want to introduce yourself to them.
You’ve decided to talk to this person you’ve had a crush on for a few days now.
But now you have a decision to make:
How are you going to introduce yourself?
This can be an easy task, or it can be difficult, depending on who they are and how they act. If they’re friendly and outgoing, then approaching them should be easy.
But if they’re one of those people who keep to themselves or act shy, then it might be hard for you to approach them.
In this case, think about how you want to introduce yourself.
If you want to interact with them more than once, then maybe a handshake could be the way to go.
Be friendly, but don’t face your whole body towards them. It might be intimidating to them.
Remember: Smile and act casual and you can’t go wrong.
If they don’t know many people at the party and aren’t already talking to anyone else, then maybe a simple “Hi, I’m (your name)” will do the trick.
But if they’re already talking to a group of people and you want to introduce yourself, then maybe a more subtle approach would be better.
For example, if you have someone in that group you know, you could tap one of them on the shoulder, and when they turn around, they will see you and bring you into the conversation.
Whatever it is, try to keep it casual and friendly. You don’t want to be too over the top when you don’t know them yet.
7. Don’t be afraid to ask a lot of questions
So you’ve got a crush on someone, and you want to talk to them but they don’t know you very well yet.
The first thing they’re going to do when they get to know you is probably think, “Who is this person?” It’s normal that they wouldn’t know much about you yet.
So what’s the best way to not only form a great connection with someone, but to keep the conversation going smoothly?
Asking questions and lots of them! Start by asking them about themselves (their interests, where they’re from, etc.), and then ask them about their friends and family.
Be genuinely interested in their life!
As Dale Carnegie said:
“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.”
So it’s a good idea to start off a conversation about their interests, and if the tone of your questions are open, caring, and friendly, then they’ll be more likely to answer your questions truthfully.
In this case, listen to them.
The more you ask them questions, the more they’re going to open up to you. You don’t have to talk all the time, just listen while they talk as much as possible.
People love being listened to!
As you listen, you might notice that their interests intersect with your hobbies and interests. Listen to their answers and talk about how similar you two are.
If they were to ask you about yourself, would you say the same thing? If so, then it means that your interests run in the same direction!
And if not, then there’s a good chance that they’re really interested in the things you do, or the kind of person that you are if you show them that you’re genuinely interested in them and what’s going on in their life.
8. Don’t talk about your ex
It never looks good when you talk about your ex to your crush. It will just seem like you haven’t moved on.
It’s a topic that you’d only bring up after a few dates.
We all have a past, and it’s OK to talk about it in general, but not on the first date or two.
But if you’re talking about your ex to your crush because they asked you a direct question, don’t give them too many details until you know them better.
It’s just not worth it, and they might think that you’re not fully over them yet.
9. Still continue to date other people
If you don’t know them very well, don’t get too hung up on this person. They’re just a crush you don’t know yet.
Make sure you keep dating other people.
It’s OK to keep your options open.
So for now, continue dating other people and let things develop with this person naturally over time.
10. Don’t forget to have fun!
Crushes are fun, and they can be easy or difficult to get over, depending on the person.
But throughout the process of building a crush, remember that you don’t have to be serious all of the time.
Crushes are great for socializing and meeting new people, and you shouldn’t bottle up all your emotions about it so that it ends up being more difficult for you. Don’t let it get in the way of your social life!
So make sure you have fun! Go to as many social events as possible, even when you don’t know anyone.
Going out and meeting new people is fun! So take advantage of that and make the most of it.
Having a crush on someone, in particular, is great too!
They can motivate you (especially if they’re hard to get over) to work harder and accomplish more in your goals. And in the long run, they’ll make you a better person because you want to impress them.
Sounds superficial, but we all need goals to better ourselves.
So keep in mind that you don’t have to be afraid of them or scared about what kind of impression you’ll make if they don’t know you well yet.
With these tips, it’ll be easier for you to talk to the people you have crushes on and crush your social life!
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice on your situation, it can be very helpful to speak to a relationship coach.
I know this from personal experience…
A few months ago, I reached out to Relationship Hero when I was going through a tough patch in my relationship. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track.
If you haven’t heard of Relationship Hero before, it’s a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations.
In just a few minutes you can connect with a certified relationship coach and get tailor-made advice for your situation.
I was blown away by how kind, empathetic, and genuinely helpful my coach was.